So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
