I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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