the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
