she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
