Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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