I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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