Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
