Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
