I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i drank out of a bidet.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
