margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
