I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
