Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
