u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
