Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
