I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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