guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Randomize
