My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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