wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
