Please, let me fuck your mom
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
They took my balls.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
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