You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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