her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
