For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
