i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
