so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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