i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
