dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I wear drunk well.
Randomize