so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
