I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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