god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize