Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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