im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
