i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
