I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
