She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
