I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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