they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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