Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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