I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize