He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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