Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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