im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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