I am spending my child support on dildos
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
