we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
