I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
