brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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