I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
