i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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