He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
