Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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