How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
