Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
