he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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