I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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