The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
