Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
