I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
