How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
