Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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