I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
