Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
