so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
