Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
