when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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