he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
