Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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