there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize