just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
