Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
