Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
